WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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