He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
