I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
