i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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