At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
