just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
