when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
