Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
