Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
