I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
