I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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