You just made me feel so damn special
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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