So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
