Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
