would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
