Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
