My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
