I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
