Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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