It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
