All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
