Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
