Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
