pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
