Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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