Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it's great music for shaving your balls
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
