I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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