After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
