Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
