Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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