I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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