some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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