That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
