Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize