I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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