If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
