Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
