My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
