So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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