you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
