Please, let me fuck your mom
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
