I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
