Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Four minutes until I can fart!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
