You're a womanizer and a bitch.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
