just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
