i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
