Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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