i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
