You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
