My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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