Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
